


Bleach

by Nugg



Category: Persona 5
Genre: All jumbled into one, Angst, Before everything, M/M, Ryuji lets it all out, Sorry for it being v sad, The night his dad left and he broke his leg, Violence, and after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 09:05:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13610079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nugg/pseuds/Nugg
Summary: Ryuji's life couldn't get lower than this





	1. Chapter 1

Ryuji's mother sat on the couch with an icepack to her face. his father sat outside of the apartment. Slurred words trying to seep through the wood.

Bloody knuckles were wrapped in paper towels. Tears wiped in a track suit jacket he'd never use again. Glass lying around the Sakamoto home. The sounds of silent sobs flowed through the small apartment so high up in the air.

 _He'd been so stupid_.

_He had a chance to change his life for the better and he ruined it by not keeping his mouth shut._

"I'm sorry for letting you see me cry." His mom said through tears.

He would never tell her he's heard her sobs before. Walls so paper thin. Family as fragile as the glass he was cleaning up. Life was never supposed to be this way. He shouldn't be the one taking care of his mother. _He was only 15._

The legs he once thought could give him a chance were useless. _He_ was useless now.

What were track medals supposed to do? Is what he thought when he shoved his display over in his room.

Bathroom stained by blood, Ryuji took a washcloth and dabbed his various cuts. Letting the drunken mumbles and sniffles from outside mix. He felt sick to his stomach trying to find anything good from the situation.

Why couldn't the school call his mom? Why was his dad waiting for them when they got home from the emergency room. And why didn't he hit the one responsible, instead of the woman he said his vows to?

Ryuji stared at himself in the mirror. Florescent lights making his bloody nose more prominent. " _You’ll never be anything."_ Pounding his brain.

 _"Fuck you. Ungrateful brat."_ The words swirled around.

He hated himself. He hated himself so much. 

" _Youd be better off if you jumped in front of a car idiot. What are we going to do with a cripple? You've ruined our family."_ Each memory of his fathers slurs slapped him in the face all over again as he thought of them.

Fumbling through the cupboards, he felt he needed something. Having no clue as to what he was looking for exactly. His own tears welled up as he rummaged through hair pins and useless things. Dropping to the floor to look under the sink.

_"I wish your whore mother never would've gave birth to you."_

He wanted it to stop.

" _Nobody's going to love someone like you."_

It all needed to go away.

_"Failure. You fucking fag."_

He found a box. 

He punched his dad in the face.

His dad punched him back, and broke a bottle on his back. The stinging still evident as he sat on the cold tile.

But he got more hits in. He dragged him outside.

Standing on his right leg. Feeling the pain of a freshly broken bone, Ryuji had enough.

_"Oh, you look so much like your dad,"_

Eyeing himself in the mirror. He began to silently cry. It wasn’t like anyone would be there to hear. But the lack of sounds from his sobs was so that nobody but himself could see his tears. Replaying the fact that he hated himself, over and over.

The box was hair dye. Bleach hair dye. Not caring to wonder how it got there, as recklessly poured the mixture together. Eyes stinging with tears as he continued to vigorously rub it into his head.

The burning of his scalp was nothing. Everything he ever loved went down the drain. A whole bottle disappeared.

Hovering over the marble sink for what seemed like ages, he finally looked up. Seeing a blurred image of himself with yellow hair. Brown streaks all over.

For once that day, he felt happy.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ryuji didn't feel like dying any time soon.

But if his death could be justified by saving his friends lives. He thought they'd be okay.

 _Life didn't suck then_  
  
People actually accepted him

And he didn't need the track team to move forward.

He never realized just how beautiful the color grey was until he met a stranger on his way to school.  
  
_He was so mad that day._

Akira was the first person to show him kindness. Akira made him happy that day. Akira made him want to live.

Surely he thought that nothing in this world could be worse than death. It was such a scary subject. Unsure of the aftermath.

Star ridden skies. Cold medal at his feet. And Futaba asking if this was the end for them. That was more terrifying.

Feet moved on their own. Akira reached out to stop him. But the rise and fall of his chest as he ran made him feel more alive than he ever had felt.

 _Heat_.

It was so hot. Explosions looming behind him when he leapt. He swore he could feel himself slipping but he didn't care.

Watching as his friends boarded a boat made him so happy. Mere ants when they reached the bottom, Makoto told him to hang on.

And he did.

Until a loud boom erupted behind him. Flames engulfing his body and setting it all on fire. The Phantom Theives screamed for him but it went unheard.

 _Grey_. Grey was so beautiful. Akiras eyes could get you lost, and Ryuji felt like he was in a maze whenever he was around. Grey being the color everything was once he let go.

He thought this is what dying felt like. Flashes of your lives best moments. His first track meet. Punching his dad in the face. Awakening his persona.

_Life wasn't always good._

He realized that he wasn't the sole person with problems when Akira trusted him with information about his arrest.

 _He mattered to someon_ e.

Ryuji felt weightless in the dark matter he was in... Wondering how stupid he was for not moving. How the group must've felt when they saw him up there.

_Were they proud? For at least a small moment, could he get the graditude of someone actually being proud of him?_

Whatever he landed on, he gripped it tightly. Feeling like he may actually open his eyes. Jolting up to be blinded by the streetlamps, he had a clump of grass in his hands. Confused.

Someone was crying. Someone framilar, so he stood, feeling pressure on his knee. Shuffling twords the noise.

When he walked upon the scene of all the Phantom Theives with overcast faces. He tried his best to lighten the mood.

 _It didn't work_.

The friends he thought cared started hitting him. Causing him to stumble backwards, he noticed it was only the girls. Knowing he couldn't do anything to stop it.

Memories flooded back.

_Kamoshida shoved him into his office, and he fell into a chair, crashing to the floor._

He fell to the sidewalk under their weight.

_The first time his dad had hit him. Right across the face._

Ann slapped him hard.

" _Fuckup_."

"You're a jerk!" Futaba was clawing at his skin.

_"Face it Sakamoto. Nobody likes a dumbass."_

"You're such an idiot!" Haru sobbed as she pounded her fists into him.

_His father pulled him by his hair off the couch._

Makoto tugged at his bleached locks. Blubbering something nobody could understand. Everyones hands continually causing more harm to him.

He thought they'd known of his past. He thought that once his dad was gone nothing like this would ever happen.

Constant yells filled his ears. Someone got up. Someone ran away. Someone called him stupid. One person kicked his side. And he had no idea what he'd done.

Lying on the cold ground, he coughed up a tiny bit of blood. Thinking he truely was worthless.

_He should've thought about them._

_He thought he was thinking of them when he risked his life._

_Maybe he would've been better off dying in the ship._

_They didn't need him. He was a punching bag. He was alone. And nobody would ever truely love him._

"Ryuji."

With all the strength he had, he turned his head to see Akira crouched in front of him.

He flinched when the black haired boy reached his hand out. Quickly retracting it upon seeing the pain in the blondes eyes.

"I'm so sorry I didn't do anything."

Why did he sound like his mother. Apologizing for something he had no control over.

"They shouldn't beat you... You saved us."

He felt tired, but wanted to listen to his friend.

"All you've ever tried to do is be the best person. And when you risk your life for us-"

Ryuji waved him off, "It's not like I'm not used to it. I got the shit beat out of me worse by my dad."

"That's why they shouldn't of done that."

Squinting, Ryuji felt terrible, "I- I deserve it..."

"Stop trying to pin the blame on yourself. I let you go when I knew it was a risk. And I watched them all hit you." Akira looked to the ground in sorrow.

_How can someone be so broken?_

He drug his legs up to his chest, "I just wanted to feel useful. To feel like I mattered, and to make you guys proud... I wanted to be the hero,"

"Ryuji. I love you."

 _Oh._  
  
_Nobody but his mom had ever said that sincerely. He could be fabricating those words to make himself feel better._  
  
"Bro you choose now to confess to me?"

Akira wiped a single tear away with his palm and sat next to Ryuji, "Sorry."

Sliding his hand overtop his friends, Ryuji felt like everything that had happened, happened for a reason. Looking at the sky, singling out the the small stars.

 _Bruises heal_.

His shoulder hurt like hell. And he had scrapes all over.

 _He'd gotten through it before_.

This time around, there was no bleach. He wasnt crying in the bathroom. His dad was long gone. And although he'd only grown one year, he felt 20 years older.

_He still had friends. Even if they beat him up._

_He'd seen death face to face, and realized that the feeling of losing people you care about is scarier._

 

  
Closing his eyes, Ryuji smiled, "...Hey. I love you too."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Two chapters. Next one is where Akira shows up


End file.
